The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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