she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
