Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
