as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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