he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
