I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize