At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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