took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
