Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
