I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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