i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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