he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
