It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
