just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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