Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize