i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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