You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
