I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
