Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
