If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
