Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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