I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
