I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
