in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
