you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize