My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
