Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
