I looked at my own cervix.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
