The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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