I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
