You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
