So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
