remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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