no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
