she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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