Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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