why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
