What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why do cheetos always look like penises
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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