Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
