I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
