hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
