yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize