Its about making memories worth repressing
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
