I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
