I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
