She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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