your thong is hanging out like whoa
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
