every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
