So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
