We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
