found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
