Small penises have feelings too.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
