You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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