I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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