That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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