If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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