11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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