so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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