oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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