Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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