I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
