I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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