whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish there were birth control emojis
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
