Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
