Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
