I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
