she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
