My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
