i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
