Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
