put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize