I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just invented taco cereal.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
