Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
