she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
