The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
