I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
