I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
